Bayern’s xG isn’t failing — it’s just ghostwriting goals while the players actually score. You see a 0.7xG shot? That’s not analytics, that’s your uncle’s Wi-Fi trying to predict pizza at 3AM after two beers. Machine learning doesn’t account for passion… or adrenaline… or why we keep losing close matches. Meanwhile, the ball hits post #425 and the crowd screams louder than the spreadsheet. Someone please tell me this isn’t just data science — it’s Chicago jazz mixed with existential dread. 🎵 #BringBackTheBall