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As a data analyst who’s seen every loophole in sports contracts, I can’t help but laugh at the viral rumor that the Lakers—now under Dodgers owner Mark Walter—might attempt to sign every top MVP candidate. From Giannis to Luka, fans are joking about 10-year, $1B deals with payments deferred until 2080 (yes, like Ohtani’s contract). But let’s break down why this is equal parts hilarious and statistically impossible—even for Hollywood’s flashiest franchise.